Dream, Goals, Human, Indonesia, Life, Nation, People, Thought, Words

Homeland Pride

One of my lifetime project, and one of the most important one, before I turn 25 is this: to know my country better and further.

I’ve sense, since 5/6 years ago, that I’ve been totally westernized.

Okay, i made that words up, but what I meant is that I’ve been developing this habit of mine of thinking that everything about western civilization is great. I’ve been addicted with, from things as simple as movies, songs, to heavier things as books, people to look up to, and so on.

I’ve been worshipping them way way too much, and way waaaay too long. I’ve been neglecting the urge to know my country better, if you met me and have real conversation with me, you’ll grab the drift that I, shamelessly, have no idea where I’ve been standing this moment.

I have no sort of clue whatsoever about Its history, I have zero respect on people who civilized around (specially those who rules, those who dictated and those who follows), and I have no recollection on being proud of my education in Indonesia, even geographically, you can say I have the knowledge of a fifth grader.

I can say that I’ve been digging a little deeper unto European/World history and gather a lot more information about it more than I knew the historical detail of my own country.
I can popped answers about capital city of dozens of countries around the globe but have no idea of where certain city lies on the map, or things as silly as what traditional beverages are famous of from my country.

How could you name those places your home, when your heart doesn’t tingle when little things brought back your childhood conception?
How could you call those places your homeland, when your memory doesn’t linger in certain corner, when your skins just shiver when you recalled cheesy things you’ve done there?
Home is the people behind your thought, places where your destination headed, your entire lifetime journey to be the best version of you.
When this thought stroke me, I felt extremely embarrassed for the lack of knowledge I gathered from place I grew up, people who gave me chances for chasing my dreams, and nation where I found beauty in humblest thing.

Never have I been so proud of myself, until I discover these two things: My Faith and My Heritage.

So these 3 years ahead I have above me, I have mended myself to invest small part of my time in some sort of discovery project:
1. Read; People who have the courage to lead, Man who had a vision of a better future, Those who’ve created culture you’re living right now, whether it was towards an ideal nations or worst.
2. Explore; Places you’ve never been before, Spots people neglected, Paths that will remind you of how amazing your homeland is.
3. Build; New perspective on your country, Sense of pride of being Indonesian, and Strong passion to learn more about the land you’ve stood in.

Dan mungkin, mencoba menulis dalam Bahasa Indonesia dalam frekuensi yang lebih tinggi, serta dalam ejaan yang lebih baik dan benar?

That’s a tough one, though 😦

Dream, Family, Favorite, Inspiration, People

One Thing You Won’t Ever Regret Getting

Name one thing you won’t ever regret getting, on the range of you were born to this very minute:

My father’s decision to put me on English course from I was just 7/8 years old.

I remember soooo well, my Dad (with his super limited English capability, or as we may say close to 0 due to his nonexistence English lesson back when he’s in elementary school) put me on this english course class named LIA since i was just in my first grade of elementary school, about 7 years old I think. Elementary school in my era is mostly consisted of these activities: go to school, eat garbage, and watch cartoons.  To add more, those day cartoon are placed in every time slt and every channel in television. My ass are hardly moved from sofa, eyes staring to TV screen probably 5-7 hours a day.

But among all dads in my elementary school, my Dad insisted that I HAVE TO go to this course, 2 times a week, without slacking. Note to NO SLACKING. And yes, my father is an uptight person, so when he sid no slacking, it means as it is. So when my friends every morning told me stories about the cartoon plot they watched yesterday night, I’m miserable as hell to be pushed to go to this course, which really exhausting because it took my night away and the place is really far from my house. My father always send messages to my mom, to remind her for picking me up every day to go to this course, and going mad if my mother can’t. I can feel my mother is tired too, having her own work AND this responsibility to take me to this course. If my mother too tired to pick me up, my father will rush himself from work, through this sick Jakarta traffic jam, and pick me up.

I remember, those miserable years, I was mad at my father for pushing me through this sick schedule, loosing my chance to brag to my friends about watching popular cartoons on TV, and for making me unable to play with my neighbors everyday (which I think the only thing I consider important those days). But my father keep insisting, and as he rarely get mad at me, he will in terms of me not going to this course.

This schedule continue on until I was in my senior year in high school, with national exam heading above me, he still think that it is proper for me to get English Course, still 2 times a week.

After I graduated from high school and move to other city, living by my own, I just realized that this decision my Dad made, the ultimate decision that made him the “uptight” person in my family, the decision that sometimes made him and my mother getting into a fight, is the best decision he made in terms of educating his children.

I would never earn those 100 notes on every English national exam I took if I kept insisting on dissing this course

I would never earn those A on my high school report if my father gave up pushing me around for this course

I would never earn those TOEFL marks that made me experienced the most unforgettable experience of my life on living abroad

I would never earn this place on my office if I got my English test really badly, having no clue whatsoever on what pages with foreign language is all about

I would never able to write and present my thesis on English, and maybe never realized the impact and the satisfaction of finally finishing those.

I would never even simply read these novels I kept stacking, with every words typed on English language

I would be miserable.

My Dad is always, always been the person I looked up to in terms of education.

He is the most high determinant person I’ve ever encounter, maybe people can’t see it with his not-over-the-top achievements, but I ALWAYS see it in every decision he made on my education, whether to push me on accelerated class, to go to this expensive school which we barely afford and I was so ashamed for not reaching my dad’s dream, or to simply pushing me around for going to English course.

To make him proud, is my everyday job from today to the rest of my life, and I am well-beyond proud to say and bear this honorable task.

His decision, even though most of the times made him fight my mother, is the one thing that made me who I am right now.

Danke schon, mein lieb Vater ❤

Dream, News, Peace, Thought


Means : Finding beauty in the imperfections, an acceptance of the cycle of life and death.
Japanese word and one of very few words that has no translation to English word.
Expression that turns into word, whether its in their original language or published on Webster, are able to made us further felt tangible and attached to them, and shaping the way we see things.
But what I felt right now is beyond the description of this Japanese word.
Because I don’t think words could handle the cruelty, the nonsense of what just happening in this world right now.

I might not earned major on social politics, religious beliefs, nor international relation.
Those thick law books, series of political debates, or even news on who are the next leader that reigned over a country I might certainly passed on.
But I think every single person in this entire world has sense of conscience in their heart and these past weeks news has just gone crazy.
Crazy in the level of, of God what did Human think? What. Just. Happened?

You probably have read news about Ferguson riots, or Madman held hostages then gone crazy in Sydney or recent news on Taliban shooting (again) in Pakistan primary school, with 140s underage children found dead.
In my opinion, this stories just have something in common.
That guns, those human creation, not only shuts humans steps in this world, but also shuts human hearts.
That humans, above the statements of being the most perfected creatures ever, are still incapable of something.
Accepting and Living with differences.
Whether differences in skin color, ideology, even religion.

Put aside those wrong religious beliefs, political articles, norms or tons of other craps that these people planted on their followers, I was wondering whether these gunman(s) have ever felt a slight, just a slight of hesitation when they shot to death people with no clue of their background, no whatsoever news regarding their whole life.
What great power do their leader have so that they could flip human pure conscience to these cruel beasts, animals I could harshly said?
What did they chase?

I don’t disregard variation of beliefs, as I know every beliefs has kindness on them in their own way.
But do people really think straightly when they thought that with the ending of anonymous people’s life, God will regards them with one nice place on Heaven?
Really, people?
If that’s true, then no. I don’t want a place on YOUR heaven.
Because how could people smile, laugh or even breathe after crushing somebody and their family’s life to pieces, made them breathing in living hell every single day of their remainder life?
How could people even have GUTS to imagine living in those beautiful place called heaven after leaving hundreds of people traumatized or gone insane every time they saw pack of people walking, left alone gunshot?
What kind of Heaven did these people have in mind?
Is those place covered in blood? Covered in innocent people blood?

I don’t disregards people crave to power, as I do believe that all people urge to have power within their grasps, to control number of people to do as their told, to order people to do what we wanted.
But how could you control people, when their eyes staring at you with hatred?
How could you asked people to do series of tasks when every single night they go to sleep with mourned filled their head?
What did these people want to achieve?
Status quo of their country?
Even when your own citizens are scared to death, even to walk across the street?

I was wondering, whether the core problem of these are education.
Is it, though?
But with USA having known as the center of high-level education, with Sydney as one of the main destination of students hungry for knowledge around the world, still struggling the same problem as Pakistan-Afghanistan in accepting differences, I lost track.
For once In my life, I want a chance to talk to these people, I wanna know what’s inside their brain.
I wanna know, did their heart bumped every time a bullet crossed a children’s head?
Do they have children on their own?

“My son was my dream. My dream has been killed”
-One grieving father, after a lost of his only son on Taliban massacre.

My prayer goes to every single family that just lost their living stars.
I can’t imagine, and I don’t even have guts to imagine, living in the sorrow you’re living in.
May God gave His shining stars to lighten up their darkest night.
May God gave them new courage, to feel love again.
To turn their revenge on prayers and good deeds, and to turn their fear to inability on hurting another people.

People, just please, stop this insanity.

Dream, Inspired, Resolution, Thought

Brave Heart

2014’s coming to an end and everyone’s biggest nightmares are just about to hit the rock. Whether this come out from the lips of your beloved ones, your closest somebody, parents or people who just met you after billion years apart, these questioned just hurt the same when your answered is just the same as last year,

or year before

or 5 years ago

or way waaay before.

That your resolutions are just not working.
Or your plan hadn’t work as you’ve arranged to.
Or that those resolution just need more years to come to be resolved.

People are starting to make this failed achievement as a common joke, to celebrate their failed attempt as big box of laughing machine.
To hide their extreme pique, their exhaustion of continuously feeling as a failure, to made the whole fiasco of their whole-year plan disappear as quick as wind.
I’m not a hypocrite, I, surely did that too.

I have tons of failed plan that just doesn’t work this year.
I have things that supposed to be work out easily this year, but the closer I got to that reaching point, I just bumped to a realization that….No, you don’t work out for me.
Why waste time to something that cage your life, make you miserable of thinking you might hurt someone or disappointing someone, when you have time to discover something else, make times for yourself to determine who/what you need in this mean time.
Theory just don’t always work in reality.
When people think you’re a perfect match, does your heart tell so?
Do you act naturally in front of them, do you experience that bonfire heart, when you talked to them?
If not, why stomp your feet on the same ground, when what you need is running to search your real base point?
Why pushing yourself too hard to fit yourself to someone, when you can find something/someone else that can do justice on what you do and what you are naturally?

Woah….that’s a lot of words just to tell that you just leave something. Oh dear, these hands just won’t stop.

I have tons of failed plans this year, yes some pissed me off, some I could blame it to my own.
But failures are something to be learned, not to be cried over.
2014 has given me tons of high notes to take every single second it flew by:
I learned that you shall not depends on someone to make your dreams come true.
I learn that you better be quiet on your PMS, instead of screaming things you would regret later.
I learn that planning is better when you’re old and frizzy. When you still have your youth glow, embrace yourself to adventure that never even occurred on your sane mind that you might do that kind of stuff. Whether alone or with bundle of companions.
I learned that at the end people will be confronted by the bitter part of growing up: parting with your family. Whether to chase money, to pursue degree or…to build your own.

So many thing to be learned of. And we have 31.536.000 to run that lessons, 365 days to try on something new and 52 weeks to succeed your life, or failed miserably and raise again.

So 2015, what would you did to me?
Oh no, self, what would you do to 2015?