Confident, Discovery, Growing up, Life, Thought

Growing Pains

Things about growing you have never notice until you sit back, and calculating your missteps, failures and success throughout years. Stuffs that have no meaning at all at certain time, now could mean absolutely everything to you.

Age DID do something to you. You gain, yet you lose little part of you. All eyes can witness is when physic changes, but hearts and human being around you had noticed that you, yes you, are not the same as you in years prior.

  1. You became the most selfish version of yourself. You want something you can’t have, you hate something you’re supposed to love, and the feeling that used to grow on you start to fade.
  2. You start to compensate everything. When you did something, your head start to calculate the impact it will do to yourself, or your surroundings. I HATE this. Can’t we just do everything without too much consideration, purely base on what your heart desire, what makes you comfortable with, what makes you entirely happy?
  3. What people see is what your eyes can see. You lose your own judgment and replace it with others; people’s opinion became your source of confidence and downfall. I lose track on how many times I had this hesitation on doing something, just because it wasn’t everyone cups of tea. Sometimes I miss the feeling of jumping on bike for the first time. The thrill of satisfying your curiosity with no deliberation on what parents might think or friends mocking your clumsiness is simply precious.
  4. Missing things you’ve lost, those who left, and people who’ve gone. The worst feeling you’ve ever encounter is the feeling when you want to see certain people, heard their laughs, or simply have that specific someone to hear your thought. Some people are irreplaceable, and growing up is the only way to distinguish who do matter and not. Not to mention the possibility of regret: of not doing something, of not fighting the battle you’ve never even started, of not having enough time with them.
  5. Get this annoying sickness called depression. Whether from work, friends, your own thoughts, and every single thing that isn’t supposed to matter, could ruin your whole day. When overloading something on your head could mess up your mind. When get over something could take days, or even weeks to get over with.


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Family, People, Personal, Pray, Thought

Doa Untuk Abang

People said, words came out of your mouth is a simple form of pray;
People said, things we have in our mind regarding those people around us, are simply an unspoken prayer;
I believe that God heard every single thing, from prayers we screamed out of our lungs, to those little whispers we said in the middle of our loneliness, or at night when no one could hear you
Well, I decided to take chance to write this post for my one and only older brother i have 🙂

Untuk Abangku tersayang,
Abang terbaik, terpinter, terganteng yang pernah ada di hidup gue,
Abang terbawel, tercemburuan, tersupel yang paling ngangenin
All i ever dreamed of for my future-husband to look like,

Now you live on your own, for the first time of your life, so distance from your usual life in those easy life you have before. It took times, maybe not as instant as you wanted to be, to get used to live this way. I know it’s hard, as i know how your huge social circle is in this big city we called home. I know how you LOVE urban life, and how you hate places with no network connection, now all i can hear now is you yelling, calling names of those provider who gave you crappy internet connection when you need to send something to your friends. I’m laughing hysterically as i write this…

But i also know how easy you socialize with someone new. How people love being around you, hearing tons of your jokes as well as feeling secure with your protective side of you. I know how you can stay out late till morning with dozens of friends with completely opposite personality, and you do it as easy as flipping back hands, while i found it hard to accomplish, let alone to make them as long-time best friend for life. I know how smart you are buried behind those bad-boy look you have.

You are the one who shows me that people can actually grow. You no longer that young boy who stay up late out of nowhere, making Moms and Dads worried as hell, calculated every single horrible probability about where or what you’re doing those time. Now you turned into this responsible man, always calm me down when i have this annoying nerve that comes out of nowhere, spreading anger and hates everywhere, when back in the days, I used to be the one who calmed you down.

Here’s a little pray for you:

May God give you strength, to take chances and decision on your life, and believe in it.
May God open your mind to always dreams, and have faith in the power within you
May He bless you with warm smiles everyday, so that you always, always believe that life is not as crappy as you might think it is
May He strengthen your feet, on your path to achieve every dreams you mind, and tighten His hand on yours while you shaken up when things gone rough
May distance won’t ever made you weak, instead open your eyes to separate those who stays, and those who don’t
May each day, people fond of you and your charms, and find the true kindness I see in your eyes every single day since the day we were destined to be siblings 🙂

Have tons and TONS of lucks, Bang Andrew!
Go run, and achieve those dreams flew around your head ❤ ❤
I love you my annoying brother so much, damn sometimes it hurts!