Things about growing you have never notice until you sit back, and calculating your missteps, failures and success throughout years. Stuffs that have no meaning at all at certain time, now could mean absolutely everything to you.
Age DID do something to you. You gain, yet you lose little part of you. All eyes can witness is when physic changes, but hearts and human being around you had noticed that you, yes you, are not the same as you in years prior.
- You became the most selfish version of yourself. You want something you can’t have, you hate something you’re supposed to love, and the feeling that used to grow on you start to fade.
- You start to compensate everything. When you did something, your head start to calculate the impact it will do to yourself, or your surroundings. I HATE this. Can’t we just do everything without too much consideration, purely base on what your heart desire, what makes you comfortable with, what makes you entirely happy?
- What people see is what your eyes can see. You lose your own judgment and replace it with others; people’s opinion became your source of confidence and downfall. I lose track on how many times I had this hesitation on doing something, just because it wasn’t everyone cups of tea. Sometimes I miss the feeling of jumping on bike for the first time. The thrill of satisfying your curiosity with no deliberation on what parents might think or friends mocking your clumsiness is simply precious.
- Missing things you’ve lost, those who left, and people who’ve gone. The worst feeling you’ve ever encounter is the feeling when you want to see certain people, heard their laughs, or simply have that specific someone to hear your thought. Some people are irreplaceable, and growing up is the only way to distinguish who do matter and not. Not to mention the possibility of regret: of not doing something, of not fighting the battle you’ve never even started, of not having enough time with them.
- Get this annoying sickness called depression. Whether from work, friends, your own thoughts, and every single thing that isn’t supposed to matter, could ruin your whole day. When overloading something on your head could mess up your mind. When get over something could take days, or even weeks to get over with.