Discovery, Europe, Germany, Health, Hope, Human, Human Project, Indonesia, Life, Medicine, Uncategorized

Angel of Death

I was about to write this a couple weeks ago, when a small gathering brought up old news to the table: the chaotic situation of healthcare industry.

The fake vaccines, the ill-fated doctors, messed up hospital administration, supported by the bubble of new registries in medicine school (which has no credible accreditation, just a promise of graduation paper and title of eligible medicine graduate) have just blown my mind.

I’m petrified to learn that people, even in the most ‘angelic’ industry, played fate on others life like it’s just a piece of meat.



Fake vaccines, same as lots of other unregistered medicine circulated in this country, has proved how this industry has an incredibly weak foundation while holding whole nation’s fate at his hands. As one of the people under this foundation, truthfully I was concerned and sadly, trusted nothing.

If vaccines, which got injected to most of the children in Indonesia, got hijacked, I wonder how easily my daily dose of vitamin c, or paracetamol to my headache, got smudged or even poisoned with unknown substance. I was living in the big city, yet got ‘deceived’, so how was the fate of other children in the most remote area, who only got their medicine from specific pharmacy, listened to one unregistered local doctor?

They know nothing, paid everything, yet received nothing.


Where is government, or ministry, or whatever they called to supervise this mess around pharmacology? Was medicine supposedly needed a strict regulation, from the production, distribution, until it reached its final users? Medicine, as I quoted from local newspaper, was chemical substances with pharmacological reaction, which can cause either improvement or damages on human races.

Were doctors and nurses even understood what kind of substances they used?



Ill-fated doctor was another case.

I understand quite frankly, that healthcare industry is a complex matter; everyday new symptoms from the evolution of human genetics come to the surface, but hey, enough with the excuse! People (I mean, millions of people) paid this industry whole lot of money. Have we heard enough improvisation, or enough scientists (not just doctors, I meant those expert who DID research) do enough research? This line of ‘smartest’ people in this nation has been paid a LOT of money, they HAVE TO do their extended job AND research more than ordinary people with ordinary job. I have one grandmother who deceased lately, with one of the main reason was doctor getting their national holiday and could not provide their services.

Have they learned that people’s life has no holiday? These hearts would not stop their beat, even when we pray or sleep.

This just one case in thousands of thousands cases in this industry. Every person has their own personal dreadful experiences.


Sometimes I was thinking how scary it is to know that from the beginning, we have no idea what are those substance that coming through our throat. Healthcare industry was one of the most complicated industries, so commoners like us could not easily understood from the start: the diagnosed, script of medicine we got, how much money we spent, and how those ‘expert’ judgment worth our money, yet we gave our life on this handful of people.

To add the horror, one book I read lately, The Good Nurse, basically told story about nurse who had mental problems, yet still working in healthcare industry for years, messing with patients medications in sober condition, caused death of hundreds of people under his supervisions, all because patients DON’T understand what was injected to their veins. Hospitals and doctors, not even care.

Really, the craziest people were coming right from the doors of this industry.



I’m trying to find how this tangle could end, and I came to these comparisons.

Compared to European countries, I’ve sensing what was “messing” with this industry.

In Indonesia, Doctors were God.

In Europe, Doctors were Human.

In Germany, for example, doctors has no shame to open a book, take a moment to do their research in their personal library, or even do their research on the inter web, asking other professional experiences on the same cases.

They knew human mind DO mistakes, and they were indeed humans too.

They knew a symptoms could mean thousands different kind of sickness. By researching, or even without shame asking advice from others (in front of their patients), they knew they could minimize these common mistakes. Most of the time, they could only handle 8-10 patients a day, because 1 patients with ‘headache, stomachache, cough’ could take them an hour of deep analysis.

What I appreciated most on how these western doctors did elaborate their diagnoses, is how they showed us commoners how their decision were taken right from the resources (books, expertise). This shows us how they treated us as equal, not some commoners who knew nothing, understood nothing, yet trusted everything. They even explain how the expenses they asked us to pay were coming from: how much their diagnoses valued (this differed on how complicated our sickness were), why they choose certain medicine and how much they costs.

They valued us as King.

Different in Indonesia when Doctors were valued as King and worst, God.

God KNEW everything, and didn’t have to do the ‘read and study’ like commoners did. Headache means headache, stomachache means diarrhea, and cough means inflammations. This wheal goes on and on, spinning around without explanation. Yet, Doctors got one of the highest paying jobs in the country.



Well, I could not blame this entire chaos to Doctors or those who worked on this industry. We did not have health ministry just to sit around and do nothing. And for the record, our pharmacology has a respected position in the world for having a complex regulation. But did this regulation get implemented once and for all? Give people a throughout explanation on the difference between medicines whether they were expensive or cheap, show them that medicines that coming through your supervisions were trustable, so when they earned your trusts, those illegal or ‘herbal’ medicine were banished naturally.

Show consistency on how you fought illegality and supervise the circulations of medicine.

Show people that you deserved their trusts.




To all people who worked in this industry:

May you find your inner willingness to treat first, not to ask; to find a solution with careful examination, not to rush things; to always bring comfort to people with right judgment and explanations. And most importantly: to NEVER EVER stop learning, because the faith of this nation is right within your hand.

Book, Father, Indonesia, Life, Review

Buku tentang Bapak

Setiap baca buku bagus, perasaan pengen nulis dan mempatenkan perasaan excited yang mirip kayak dikasih coklat satu box gede itu langsung membumbung tinggi.
Pensil, laptop, HP, tab, langsung saya cari, sebelum perasaannya “hilang”.
Orang yang duduk disebelah atau diseberang ruangan pun jadi sasaran empuk buat dicurhatin isi bukunya.
Sampe sering mereka suruh saya baca buku yang mereka pengen baca, terus saya ceritain ke mereka.
Mungkin mereka butuh “moment” ngetawain saya yang kalau cerita selalu tanpa alur dan penuh cekikikan.
Weird, but hey, that’s the fact I’ve been living.

2 tahun terakhir ini, demi mengejar target memperluas area baca, Saya nyoba baca beberapa buku yang tebelnya bisa bikin benjol.
Tapi entah kenapa yang berhasil ‘nyentil’ selalu buku sederhana yang tebelnya ga sampe 300 halaman.
Bahasanya ga ribet, ceritanya ga kompleks, tapi sukses bikin otak muter dan berpikir.
Pertama, Diary of Young Girl nya Anne Frank.
Kedua, A Monster’s Call nya Patrick Ness.
Ketiga, buku ini.
Emang bener ya, apapun yang dilakukan, ditulis, di capture pake hati, sesederhana apapun itu, pasti bisa dirasakan sama orang disekitarnya.
Happiness is contagious, kalo kata Paulo Coelho.

Back to the story, buku ini.
Kenapa Saya bisa segitu terjeratnya sama pesona buku ini?
Familiarity, mungkin alasan yang paling tepat.

Long story short, inti buku ini adalah tentang hidup 2 anak lelaki yang jatuh cinta sama Bapaknya, yang unfortunately, udah meninggal dari mereka kecil.
Familiar banget sama betapa “tergila-gilanya” 2 anak cowok ini ke Bapaknya.
Ketika kepribadian mereka dalam mengambil keputusan hidup itu bermuara dari pesan-pesan Bapaknya ke mereka.
Ketika mereka jadi terkesan pamer dengan achievement Bapaknya, padahal memang bagi mereka Bapaknya ya seluar biasa itu.
Ketika mereka inget gimana Bapaknya selalu push mereka buat bermimpi sampai mimpi itu diketawain orang banyak, tapi Bapaknya juga ga kalah tegas nyuruh anaknya untuk bikin rencana dan deadline hidup.
Ketika saking jatuh cintanya anak sama Bapaknya ini, hari Sabtu yang keramat bagi anak muda untuk ngumpul dengan anak-anak seumuran pun dengan senang hati didedikasikan buat punya quality time sama Bapaknya.

Buku yang ngingetin saya, kalo jadi orang tua itu ternyata susah ya, kisah hidupnya, kata-katanya, sampe marahnya pun jadi panutan buat anaknya.

Anyway, makasih banyak Mas Wisnu, si calon Bapak terbaik yang udah mau direpotin nyariin buku yang abis dimana-mana ini, ditambah harus dengerin bocah ini cerita malem – malem lagi.
Semoga dari 5 bulan kedepan sampai seterusnya bisa jadi Bapak yang selalu jadi inspirasi dan panutan anaknya, which surely I believe you’ll absolutely be 🙂

Mungkin ini tandanya udah waktunya saya cuti buat 2 orang terbaik sedunia di rumah Jakarta.
Dan hey, Adhitya Mulya, you’re missing a daughter character, who absolutely fell all over the heels to her father, just like me 😉

Book, Indonesia, People, Random, Review, Thought


I’ve just recently read one book that, according to a LOT of sites, is one of the essential book you need to read as Indonesian, especially youngster, who wanted to know further about Indonesian in early ages of its democratic era.

Note that I’ve never have a chance to watch the popular movie “Gie” that people had been raving about. So this is my very first encounter of the infamous Soe Hok Gie, the Chinese-heritage Indonesian who lead the student rebellion in 1960’s, a couple of years after Indonesia celebrated their independence from long period of colonialism.



First thing first, let me say that I do NOT adore Gie like everybody else do, nor do I think He’s a good leader.

But I think He’s quite a fascinating character since the beginning. I do adore how he reads TONS of books, watch different kind of movies, which I think built his character a LOT.

His biggest weakness, in my opinion, is how perfectionist he look upon things. How he look on people, how smallest mistake people did really bother him so much, he started hating lots of people.

I do understand how society thought about him as a communist, when Gie has bragged on and on about his resentment to dictatorship, or people who rule and stand out, while whole people in his nation are undernourished and impoverished.

He wanted the “perfect” world, which are: a) all distributed equally and ethnicity solidarity is prioritized, b) no one rules, or if there’s one, he should be flawless (close to God-perfection, I think), and c) people’s voice are heard continuously.

Some of his visions are socialists to the core and I don’t think that’s completely irrational or wrong, either.

I just think that’s too much to ask, specially for country whose foundation is still unstable, affected by too many thoughts but wanted to establish their own ideology.

His critics over people who rule or even have power over him, sometimes frustrated me enough to read.



But Gie, as other human did, also have sweet spots in his tough heart.

I remember in his book, one of last days of his life, he started to feel tingle in his heart while seeing a lot of people along Jakarta’s slum suffer from scarcity, whether from money, place to live, food, or even friends to tag along with. He felt suddenly “heroic”, like he wanted to jump and help this people out, while in his brain he’s calculating whether it was wise and possible enough to bring changes to this world.

That’s a rare condition from person like Gie, who rarely brought his conscience while looking through society. How melancholic Gie that day, made him a “person”, not just walking Casanova with his structured words and broad thoughtful assessment.

Other thing I like about Gie, is how rational He was toward people judgement about him.

I remember, one of the best paragraph he ever written in my opinion, is this (in Bahasa)



“Cinta seorang ibu adalah cinta yang unik. Di satu pihak ia mendidik dan mempersiapkan anaknya menjadi manusia, tapi di pihak lain ia harus merelakan agar anaknya pada suatu hari meninggalkan dia dan pergi dengan orang lain. Ia harus mencintai dengan tanpa pamrih. Tetapi orang-orang tua kadang-kadang tidak mencintai anak-anaknya, tapi dia mencintai dirinya sendiri. Dia memproyeksikan dirinya pada anak-anaknya dan menentukan keinginannya pada proyeksinya ini”

This passage he wrote after 3 rejections from his “lover” with the same single reason.

No family wanted a rebel intruder in their family.

Boys, especially in his unstable age, would be angry all over the place after hearing rejection from family, who don’t even know, or even wanted to know him personally.

But Gie is rational enough, to consider a mother’s heart, instead of only young love that plays mind tricks in both him and his girls.

Although Gie doesn’t believe in things called Love, he did indeed, believe that mother’s love is existed, and beyond everything else, he respected that.



One thing that I do pity him, though, aside from his bad luck of dying so young, is how lonely I felt his whole existence.

Is that because he doesn’t believe there’s higher power above Human power, who always always look after us from Above?

Is that because he always relies on his own, because he couldn’t even afford being dependable to others?

Dream, Goals, Human, Indonesia, Life, Nation, People, Thought, Words

Homeland Pride

One of my lifetime project, and one of the most important one, before I turn 25 is this: to know my country better and further.

I’ve sense, since 5/6 years ago, that I’ve been totally westernized.

Okay, i made that words up, but what I meant is that I’ve been developing this habit of mine of thinking that everything about western civilization is great. I’ve been addicted with, from things as simple as movies, songs, to heavier things as books, people to look up to, and so on.

I’ve been worshipping them way way too much, and way waaaay too long. I’ve been neglecting the urge to know my country better, if you met me and have real conversation with me, you’ll grab the drift that I, shamelessly, have no idea where I’ve been standing this moment.

I have no sort of clue whatsoever about Its history, I have zero respect on people who civilized around (specially those who rules, those who dictated and those who follows), and I have no recollection on being proud of my education in Indonesia, even geographically, you can say I have the knowledge of a fifth grader.

I can say that I’ve been digging a little deeper unto European/World history and gather a lot more information about it more than I knew the historical detail of my own country.
I can popped answers about capital city of dozens of countries around the globe but have no idea of where certain city lies on the map, or things as silly as what traditional beverages are famous of from my country.

How could you name those places your home, when your heart doesn’t tingle when little things brought back your childhood conception?
How could you call those places your homeland, when your memory doesn’t linger in certain corner, when your skins just shiver when you recalled cheesy things you’ve done there?
Home is the people behind your thought, places where your destination headed, your entire lifetime journey to be the best version of you.
When this thought stroke me, I felt extremely embarrassed for the lack of knowledge I gathered from place I grew up, people who gave me chances for chasing my dreams, and nation where I found beauty in humblest thing.

Never have I been so proud of myself, until I discover these two things: My Faith and My Heritage.

So these 3 years ahead I have above me, I have mended myself to invest small part of my time in some sort of discovery project:
1. Read; People who have the courage to lead, Man who had a vision of a better future, Those who’ve created culture you’re living right now, whether it was towards an ideal nations or worst.
2. Explore; Places you’ve never been before, Spots people neglected, Paths that will remind you of how amazing your homeland is.
3. Build; New perspective on your country, Sense of pride of being Indonesian, and Strong passion to learn more about the land you’ve stood in.

Dan mungkin, mencoba menulis dalam Bahasa Indonesia dalam frekuensi yang lebih tinggi, serta dalam ejaan yang lebih baik dan benar?

That’s a tough one, though 😦

Food, Germany, Housing, Indonesia

Grapefruit = Vampire Fruit?

Yes! I said that first!

Grapefruit, this naughty fruit, from times to times just continuously produced its bloodily disgusting ‘blood’. Those red liquids that kept pouring through your desk or -poorly- to your sleeping pijamas, which you wear everyday because you’re too lazy to wash it. Hello, don’t judge me, it’s just not that easy to move your ass downstairs just to put your clothes, wait for 1 hour  , taking all your washed clothes out, drying it out and…bla bla bla…MEN, INDONESIA KEEP EVERYTHING SOOOO SIMPLE!

OK, Indonesian mood. OH! Something just popped to my head!

Yang paling berasa selama idup di German (noted: 6 months so don’t blame me for the super-subjective-judgement) adalah….kenapa banget sih orang Eropa gabisa menikmati idup? Everything they did is because they HAVE TO do that. Lampu ijo, mobil kaga ada…keinginan menggebu gebu untuk lari dan menikmati glorious + top of the world feeling karena abis ngelanggar peraturan harus kandas gitu aja karena…GA ADA TEMENNYA BUAT LARI BARENG T.T biasanya kan kalo di Indo, pasti ada tuh pengamen, ibu ibu ato ga mbak – mbak mau ngantor yang ikutan lari – lari cepirit sebelum mobil datang dan menghalangi perjalanan kita. Tapi disini…mereka malah ngeliatin kita dengan tampang ” Let me see if you dare to cross this street before the light turns green “. Mesti diajak sekali kali nih mereka ke Indo, merasakan malapetaka sekaligus petualangan seru para pejalan kaki dalam mengalahkan kecepatan mobil. Mungkin mereka yang biasanya jalan kayak pake sepatu roda saking cepetnya, bakal jadi siput lelet karena harus nungguin lampu merah tiap mau nyebrang. HAHA you wish. Lampu merah mana yang masih bener aja kadang gw kaga tau.

Sama halnya kayak laundry, ato tukang fotokopi, ato delivery service makanan. Why oh why, mereka dengan uang mereka yang teramat banyak itu tidak menciptakan lapangan kerja yang sangat profitable ini? Apa mesti gw yang mulai (jadi pegawai)? Mungkin gw adalah wanita termalas di German (or if there are somebody else, hello my fellow friends!) tapi menurut gw ini lapangan kerja yang sangat penting loh. I miss Pak Muji yang dengan sigapnya langsung tau bahan ujian, fotokopi yang rapih, kita tinggal ambil dan melimpahi beliau uang + senyum cantik sekalian ngambil minum di dispenser (OH MEN I MISS DISPENSER…HOW ARE YOU MY FRIEND?  ARE YOU STILL HOT AND COLD?-azek). Kangen juga sama teteh kosan yang selalu sigap tiap pagi, tidak pernah absen walaupun terkadang gw nunggak bayar laundry qiqiqi, untuk nyuciin baju. Bagaimana caranya? Kita tinggal beli box baju, taro diluar kamar, kalo udah ngerasa baju yang kita pake tidak layak pakai + bau ato lo lagi males banget ngeliat tuh baju, lecek ato agak sedikit apek, tinggal taro aja di box itu. Niscaya besoknya…baju sudah terlipat rapih dan wangi. Oh i love you teteh…

dan kenapa ya di Eropa jaraaaaaang banget ada tukang kelontong? Abang gorengan ato apaan gitu. Apa mereka gasuka beli makanan diliatin orang? Apa mereka gasuka ada truk truk imut lewat lewat didepan rumah mereka + teriak teriak? Apa mereka diet? Apa mereka gasuka gerobak? Apa tadinya ada trus dibanished karena abang – abangnya capek nungguin traffic (i feel you, unknown abang-abang)? Hmmm….bisa nih jadi topik TA.


betewe, tadi gw mau ngomongin apaan sih? Jadi lupa. Perasaan tadi ngomongin grapefruit, kok sekarang abang gorengan? Ck.